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So you've taken the plunge and
set up a profile online... (If you haven't, what are you waiting
for!) What now? Sit back and wait for the messages to flow in, or
go looking, the choice is yours. Whatever you choose to do, here
are a few practical guidelines to think about.
Flirting and dating on-line is no different to doing it off-line, just a lot safer and easier if you do it right. Most of the 'rules' are common sense. Your mother was most probably right - you just don't have to admit it.
Create The Right Impression
Make sure your profile is not misleading. Give the wrong idea and you'll be sure to get the wrong response or no responses at all.
Think About What You Say
When contacting another member for the first time or responding to a message, think about it. As tempting as it may be to walk up to a stranger at a party and place a hand on their sexy butt, chances are you wouldn't. So don't do it online, unless of course there is a large sign that says 'Touch Me!'
The greatest thing about being online is the safety and privacy it affords you. Just be careful! When you start corresponding with people don't give out your personal details too early. Build up a sense of mutual trust first. Keep your last name, telephone number, email address, place of work and exact family details private until you are ready to share them.
Don't be Pushed
Watch out for people pressing you for your personal details too early and too often. Also, hang back on meeting off-line until you are ready.
Keep an eye out for changes in content and style in the messages you receive. If Mr Loving Kindness suddenly starts sounding like Carlos the Jackal on testosterone it may be an idea to back off or move on.
This is the big one! You mailed each other, chatted and are ready to take the plunge and meet for real. Whilst taking your brother from the commandos with you may ensure your safety, chances are your date may get nervous, or prefer him to you!
Make your first few meetings in public places, ideally at lunchtime if you can. If you have a mobile phone take it with you and possibly take a pre-arranged call. Tell someone where you are going and try to have plans for after your date - don't be caught out with "so what are you doing after dinner?". Have your answer ready. Don't give out your home or work address and don't give in to pressure.
And guys, all this applies to you to. The chances of being taken for a ride by women may be less, but don't discount it.
Most importantly, relax, have fun and keep things safe.
Don't forget a bit of romance in your dating!
How to Flirt on
the Net For Men
1. WOMEN WANT TO BE TREATED WELL
The same rules of gentlemanly conduct that apply in life, apply on the Net. Woman want to be treated well. Respect her and you'll be a winner. Offend her, and you're out of the game.
2. LOVERS COME AND GO -- FRIENDS LAST FOREVER
Although there are some women who are looking for a casual one-net stand, most women want a Cyber-Seduction to grow out of a friendship. If you can create a comfortable & safe place, chances are she'll want to play more. Even the most sensuous encounters are still all about creating relationships. They may not be permanent, they may not have the deepest emotional intimacy, but the guidelines for good relating apply to Cyber- Love as well.
3. RECOGNIZE THE VARIOUS STAGES OF SEDUCTION
Different rules apply for each stage of seduction . Recognize what stage of the seduction you're in: First Stage: Making Contact. Second Stage: Flirting and Courtship. Third Stage: Cyber-Seduction. Success comes to the man who recognizes what stage he is in.
4. GETTING TO YES -- THE FIRST STAGE OF SEDUCTION
The first stage is making contact and determining if the woman is interested in your attention. At this initial stage most woman are still in the no thank you mode. This is not the best time to start sending her direct, sexual private messages, because she is still in the no stage. Establish a friendly connection first. Make sure she really wants to play before you escalate the game. Assuming you have determined that she is responding to you, the next step is establishing a connection that is personal to the two of you. The art of the first stage is knowing how to make it personal without making it too personal. It requires sensitivity to know where her boundaries are at each stage.
5. LET THE GAMES BEGIN! THE SECOND STAGE OF SEDUCTION
The best flirtation is like a good game of tennis. Both players return volleys. If she is not responding at your pace, SLOW DOWN. There is no point in trying to `ace' her at this stage in the game. Be interested in her, who she is, not what she is! Ask questions, but don't make her feel like she's the subject of a `60 Minutes' interview. Never ask questions about her body parts, or her dimensions unless she's willing to volunteer that level of information. Ask open-ended questions like how do you feel about....? what do you like best about...? -- rather than closed questions like Do you like Classical music? Those kind of questions tend to lead to yes or no answers, perhaps bringing the conversation to a halt. Keep the game going. Always respond to her, never let a comment or question go by unanswered. If you don't have an answer, speak up (softly). Don't just be silent. Remember, she can't read your mind. It's easier to keep the connection going than it is to re-start it.
6. LAY YOUR CARDS ON THE TABLE
Be honest! If you don't look like Mel Gibson, why say you do? You might as well take the risk to find out if she is interested in who you really are. She will be very angry at you if she finds out later you have mislead her ABOUT ANYTHING. Be truthful about your intentions with her at this stage. If you are not looking for a romance, don't pretend to be. If you have other important relationships on the net or in life, TELL HER NOW before the situation escalates, otherwise there are bound to be hurt feelings. Ask her the same questions about her love life and intentions. Reveal something about yourself FIRST. THEN ask her to do the same. In the second stage, Be first to tell her how you feel. In the long run she'll respect and trust you more for being open and honest.
7. LET HER TAKE THE LEAD
As you move through the levels of the second stage , if possible, let her take the lead toward becoming more intimate. If she initiates deeper levels, you will know that this is what she truly desires, and it will allow her to feel more in control of the situation. If she feels in charge she's less likely to become afraid of more intensity. If she is shy, you can still help her feel in control by inviting her rather than taking her down the path of Cyber-Seduction. Ask her: Tell me about what you're wearing? This is better than asking her, What are you wearing? (if you haven't reached this level of intimacy yet.)
8. STAGE THREE: HER SENSES MAY BE DIFFERENT FROM YOURS
If you've gotten to the cyber-seduction stage three, you may be speaking very directly about sex and sensuality. Remember, all of the above rules still apply, and a few more come into play. First, her sense of choice may be different from yours. You may want her to paint pictures for you. You may ask her to describe what she looks like, what she's wearing and other visual descriptions. This may do nothing for her. She may want to hear words that turn her on. Or she may want to feel through descriptions of sensations. She may initially prefer one modality, and then another as things heat up. Get to know yourself and your lady and you'll be able to play her like a fine violin. Here's an example of how the different senses can be used. One simple act (escalating the action at a dinner table), can be handled in a multitude of ways: Visual Sensation: ....I push away the dinner plates and lift you onto the table. I can see from the look in your eyes that you are mine. Your red lips part with longing... Sound Sensation: ....I can almost hear you purr --- I know I can't wait any longer, "You are mine' I whisper. Shoving away the dinner plates, I don't care who hears us now, "You are my most sinful dessert' I sigh.... Touch Sensation: ...I reach under the white linen tablecloth, my hand slides teasingly slowly up your trembling thigh. You let me gently part your legs as your moist heat attracts my fingers like a thousand invisible magnets...
9. A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME.....
....May not smell as sweet. What kind of words does she use to describe body parts or acts of love? Does she like poetic & colorful innuendo, or graphic dirty words and explicit descriptions? One false step in this department can cause weeks of delicate feelings to unravel in a moment. Find out what she likes before you find yourself typing away like a wild man in the heat of action. Erotic and (porno) graphic are very opposing styles. The different impact of these two approaches is considerable. She may not respond to one, whereas she may be delighted by the other. Here is an example of an erotic approach: ...my hands find their way to the source of your desire, awakening an almost forgotten longing.... Graphic approach: (....maybe I'll just let you imagine this one....!) Don't assume you know her tastes -- ask her. It may sound a little clinical, but that's where the great lovers are separated from the crowd. Get good at eliciting her love-strategy in a way that is fun, provocative and passionate.
10. BRINGING NET-FANTASIES TO LIFE
If you've been having a Cyber Love affair, you may be wondering about taking it to the next level of reality. Assuming that you are both single and available, you may be curious to speak on the phone or even meet in person. WARNING: Are you willing to let go of a fantasy in order to have a real life experience? If the answer is yes, and you are willing to accept any possible outcome, then you know what you need to do next. Call her! If it goes well, get on an airplane!!! But be honest with yourself. Are you ready to have your life (which you have some control over as long as you are at the keyboard) disrupted? Are you ready, willing and able to face the fact that the goddess you have been imagining and sweet chatting is different from a living, breathing, real woman? Real women have real needs, hopes and dreams. But if you're ready for reality...
How to Flirt on the Net
1. MEN HAVE DOUBLE STANDARDS
Many men have a version of the ideal woman they could take home to mom -- and another fantasy woman they'd like to take home to bed. Which role do you want to play? Get clear about this because each game has a different set of rules. Ironically, the game plan for success in one area can be a disaster in the other. To make matters more complicated, men want you to play one role perfectly at night (in private) and another (publicly) by the light of day. (If you think this is confusing to us, you can imagine how they feel.)
2. A CYBER-LOVE AFFAIR IS A RELATIONSHIP
Lovers may come and go, but friends last forever. Even if you are just looking for a little romantic or passionate fun and games, you will probably feel better about your Cyber-Lover if it grows out of a friendship. Remember, even face-less, anonymous cyber-love has emotional consequences. Feelings can be hurt. Make sure you are playing with a gentle-man who has a basic respect for your feelings, your boundaries, and your privacy.
3. GREAT SEDUCTION HAPPENS IN STAGES
Allow this process to happen gradually. Even if you know where you want to go -- go slow! If you rush through the courtship stages, not only do you cheat yourself of this most delicious part of the dance, but it may be very difficult to re-create the sense of romance once you have gone too far. It is better to go slow then to get in too deep, too fast. Going all the way on your first or second date may cause your cyber-affair to crash and burn.
4. WHO'S LEADING THIS DANCE ANYWAY?
No matter what they may say to the contrary, most men like to be in control. They say they like women to be sexually aggressive -- but not too aggressive. They say they want you to initiate -- but then they want to feel in charge. Go figure! Every man is unique in his control ratio. So here's the deal; you are going to have to learn and experiment to find out how much and how often your cyber-man wants you to initiate, lead or escalate the stages of cyber-seduction. Some men like to be in total control, some men like you to be in total control (that way they don't have to feel guilty or responsible for their actions). Some men like to be in control some of the time, and it varies with their mood and the stage of the seduction you are in. For example, they may want to lead in the flirting, and have you take over when it gets hot and heavy, or vice versa. Experiment; try both roles and see which one he responds to the most.
5. ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE
Ask for what you want romantically and sexually. If you don't ask, you may not get it. If you do ask, you might get it. Those are good enough odds in my book. Here is your chance to not be shy! Even if you can't do this in real life, use this as an opportunity to stretch your comfort zones and loosen your inhibitions. Let yourself go! But don't do anything you don't want to do! You have to be able to respect yourself in the morning.
6. LEADING MEN ON -- THE ART OF CYBER SEDUCTION
Eroticism and Pornography are as different as night and day. The goal of pornography is a release of sexual energy or climax. Eroticism is all about the enlivening or awakening of the senses. It's goal is stimulation or arousal of the energy. Eroticism and pornography each have their own language, style and mood. Remembering how different they are, decide which mode you want to be in at any given moment. Consider the significance of these two approaches: Eroticism: I am imagining how it feels to have you peel away my dress, leaving me naked and trembling before you -- aching for your touch.
Graphic: Tear off my dress! Now! I am wet with longing for your tongue.
Your choice of words sets the tone and the mood. The choice is yours. This is just one of the ways that you can remain in control of the experience.
7. EAR-ROTICA -- PAINTING PICTURES WITH WORDS
Most men want you to paint pictures, to show them what is going on. They need to have a visual fix, which is why they often ask what are you wearing. Many women , on the other hand, want to be seduced with words and descriptions of sensations. Tell a woman I'm sending you roses, and she'll probably feel all tingly inside. To get a similar rise from a man you'd have to describe something you are doing, something he can see, I am running my hand down your hard chest. Some men like all three senses (sight, sound, touch) to be involved, and in a particular order. First they may want you to tantalize their eyes, then please their ears, then delight their sense of touch. Here's an example of one simple action (opening a robe), enticing each of these senses:
Visual Sensation: ....I open my red-lace robe, exposing one tight hard nipple -- for just a moment... then I take your hand showing you the way....
Sound Sensation: ...Slowly I let my satin robe slip to the floor, `-- I am yours', I whisper....
Touch Sensation: ...Your hands pull at the sash -- my robe slips away, and with it my inhibitions. Your touch -- my bare flesh -- a fire is igniting inside me....
8. A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME....
...may not smell as sweet. What kind of words does your cyber-lover like to describe body parts or acts of love? Does he like poetic, illusive innuendoes? Or does he prefer graphic dirty words and explicit descriptions. Find out this information before you get into the heat of the action. And let him know how you feel. One false step in this department can leave a man hanging.
9. BRINGING NET-FANTASIES TO LIFE
If you've been having a cyber-love affair, you may be wondering about taking it to the next level of reality. Assuming that you are both single and available, you may be curious to speak on the phone or even meet in person. WARNING: Are you willing to let go of a fantasy in order to have a real life experience? If the answer is yes, and you are willing to accept any possible outcome, then you know what you need to do next. Call him! If it goes well, get on an airplane!!! But be honest with yourself. Are you ready to have your life (which you have some control over as long as you are at the keyboard) disrupted? Are you ready willing and able to face the fact that the person you have been imagining and sweet chatting is different from the living, breathing, real man? The man you have (created) in your mind may not be anything like the real thing. And he may have built up an idealized image of you. But if you are ready to surrender the dream....if you're ready for reality....Go for it!
10. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF THE SEDUCTION
If your man wants to think he's in control of the seduction, who are we to tell him otherwise? But... (can we talk girlfriends?...) we all know who's in control of the seduction. You are!! If you hadn't given him the green light in the first place, he wouldn't have continued to give you his attention. You have to let him know that you are interested! Most men don't put themselves in situations where they are going to be rejected for very long. It is the woman who gives the man the signals that allows him to go forward -- to seduce you. So feel free, let him know what you want. After all, we can stop at any time, right? (Right!)